I'm having a hard time lately, I miss Nick so much.
I keep having nightmares about the past....and they don't even have anything to do with Nick.
Let me tell you a little about my past:
When me and Nick broke up in 2004, I met an "awesome" guy named Tim. I thought I was in love with this guy. He was the guy I lost my virginity to in September 2005. Me and Tim dated from January 05' to September 06'. A couple months after we started dating...things got rough...I mean abusive rough. He started yelling at me a lot, then pushing me, then hitting me. He would always apologize and I would always forgive but, my parents started noticing the excessive bruising and they got worried so they limited the amount of time I spent with him. I had been going over there everyday, now he was only allowed at my house with supervision. He was verbally, physically and emotionally, and sexually abusive. Finally on May 15th, 2006 I told him we needed to spend time apart. HE FLIPPED. He went to my house after school and ripped everything off my walls, threw me on the bed when I tried to stop him and ended up punching a hole in my door. My parents came home later and I told them everything [Except the abusive part] about me and Tims sexual relationship and they saw the door. We went to the police station and filed a report but we didn't press charges. We were forbidden to see eachother. Stupid me thought I still loved him so we would sneak....The abuse didn't stop...He didn't change. After awhile, I realized he never would and I couldn't save him like I though I could. I was so beat up that I was wearing long sleeves and jeans that whole summer. The first day of my sophomore year on September 5th, 06'. I ended it for good. He wouldn't leave me alone...He was harrasing me in the hallways and I was scared. Later that month I met a boy who was going to take me to homecoming at the library down the street. Tims best friend lived across the street from the library and was sitting outside just in time to see me and this boy walk out of the library...Tim came across the street and told me he was going to beat the hell out of the guy, Kris, but he cornered me near the bathrooms and yelled at me and almost hit me and I was so scared. I went into the library after him to warn Kris but, my sister used to work there so the workers knew tim and what was going on...they immediately took me to the back where I called my dad and my dad came and took me to the police again. Me and Tim have not spoken since that day but, the violence haunts me to this day. Over a year of abuse I cannot forget. I got so depressed, I tried to kill myself in June of 07' and ended up in a psych hospital for three days. He still runs his mouth about me and now he's a huge pothead and waste of life.
The nightmare is about him but I hadn't had it since me and Nick started dating last June after the hospital. He made me forget about Tim and cutting and my anorexia. He made me happy and now, I can't see him or talk to him whenever I want and it's killing me.
Thats what I mean when I say Ella saved my life....She is my everything and now, She is what I live for. If I didn't have her, I don't know where I would be. And, If I didn't have Nick.....I don't know what I would do.
I love my family so much.
Before Ella was born<3
After our beautiful baby girl was born! First visitation!
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