LilMommy2008's Momaroo

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 02:45:20 GMT

Ella is three months old today!

HURRAY!!!

scum of the earth [EDITED 6/28]

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 03:44:12 GMT

A girl I knew had a baby recently that she tried to self-abort the whole time it was in utero.
I won't go into the gruesome details but she had the baby and it was a little girl, full term, but, the two front hemisphere's of it's brain are fluid. The little girl is not expected to live to a year old.

After I heard about this child's inevitable fate, I cuddled up to Ella on the couch and just held her. How could a women do this to the child she carried for nine months? I never thought a person I knew would do this. Me and this girl have not been friends for a very long time and now, I am just so livid towards her. She tried to kill her baby and when it was born she wanted to give it up for adoption but when she found out the father wanted it she decided to keep it so he couldn't have it.

She didn't want to be a mother, he wanted to be a father and now...she's keeping the child out of spite.

Luckily Children Services were called and there is an investigation going on because she had no prenatal care and no one knew she was pregnant except the dad.

I must say.....She is a piss-poor excuse for a woman.

so this girl is now saying that she's so blessed to be a mom. What a fucking bitch [excuse my language], I am seriously going to hit her in her face. She only thinks she's blessed because she won't have enough time to do all the HARD things that mothers have to do.

I hate her, I really do. But, hearing what she did...Makes me realize just how lucky I am to have Ella. This girl is almost 18 and I'm a full year behind her, yet I know I am the more mature person.....at least I stepped up and took care of my responsibilities instead of trying to make them go away myself. I loved Ella before I met her, I guess not all women have that special feeling.

I'll say it again just to reiterate my point...NO CHILD DESERVES WHAT THE CHILD IS GOING THROUGH BECAUSE OF IT'S OWN MOTHER! THAT GIRL IS A PLAGUE ON THE EARTH AND SHE SHOULD BE ARRESTED FOR INEVITABLE MURDER!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:24:48 GMT

I'm having a hard time lately, I miss Nick so much.

I keep having nightmares about the past....and they don't even have anything to do with Nick.

Let me tell you a little about my past:

When me and Nick broke up in 2004, I met an "awesome" guy named Tim. I thought I was in love with this guy. He was the guy I lost my virginity to in September 2005. Me and Tim dated from January 05' to September 06'. A couple months after we started dating...things got rough...I mean abusive rough. He started yelling at me a lot, then pushing me, then hitting me. He would always apologize and I would always forgive but, my parents started noticing the excessive bruising and they got worried so they limited the amount of time I spent with him. I had been going over there everyday, now he was only allowed at my house with supervision. He was verbally, physically and emotionally, and sexually abusive. Finally on May 15th, 2006 I told him we needed to spend time apart. HE FLIPPED. He went to my house after school and ripped everything off my walls, threw me on the bed when I tried to stop him and ended up punching a hole in my door. My parents came home later and I told them everything [Except the abusive part] about me and Tims sexual relationship and they saw the door. We went to the police station and filed a report but we didn't press charges. We were forbidden to see eachother. Stupid me thought I still loved him so we would sneak....The abuse didn't stop...He didn't change. After awhile, I realized he never would and I couldn't save him like I though I could. I was so beat up that I was wearing long sleeves and jeans that whole summer. The first day of my sophomore year on September 5th, 06'. I ended it for good. He wouldn't leave me alone...He was harrasing me in the hallways and I was scared. Later that month I met a boy who was going to take me to homecoming at the library down the street. Tims best friend lived across the street from the library and was sitting outside just in time to see me and this boy walk out of the library...Tim came across the street and told me he was going to beat the hell out of the guy, Kris, but he cornered me near the bathrooms and yelled at me and almost hit me and I was so scared. I went into the library after him to warn Kris but, my sister used to work there so the workers knew tim and what was going on...they immediately took me to the back where I called my dad and my dad came and took me to the police again. Me and Tim have not spoken since that day but, the violence haunts me to this day. Over a year of abuse I cannot forget. I got so depressed, I tried to kill myself in June of 07' and ended up in a psych hospital for three days. He still runs his mouth about me and now he's a huge pothead and waste of life.

The nightmare is about him but I hadn't had it since me and Nick started dating last June after the hospital. He made me forget about Tim and cutting and my anorexia. He made me happy and now, I can't see him or talk to him whenever I want and it's killing me.

Thats what I mean when I say Ella saved my life....She is my everything and now, She is what I live for. If I didn't have her, I don't know where I would be. And, If I didn't have Nick.....I don't know what I would do.

I love my family so much.

Before Ella was born<3

After our beautiful baby girl was born! First visitation!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 09:02:09 GMT

Saw the movie Sex in the City last night. I won't give it away but, I balled the whole way through it and I don't even watch the show that much!
Haven't been to sleep yet again. I woke up at 10 yesterday and haven't slept since.
Me and Ella are going to visit Nick today for his first mothers day.

After everything thats happened with me and him, is it really worth it, I wonder?
I love him I really do but, What if he hurts me again. It would be so much harder because Ella's actually here now. I'm so torn about this that I don't know what to do. and No one understands because my mom is pretty much the only close family member I have that still likes him and sees the good in him that I see. My dad and sister don't get it so I simply don't talk about Nick in front of them because when they say something mean about him, I automatically defend him because 1) I love him! 2) Ella doesn't need to hear that.

Ughhhh, advice?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 23:10:43 GMT

Monday, March 31st at five fourty five AM me and my momma left for the hospital because I was schedualed to be induced at six AM. We got there a couple minutes early so we went up to the maternity ward and filled out the paperwork they had for us and then they put me in room 290. I got into my gown and everything and the nurse came in and inserted my IV. Tia and my mom were there with me because they were my two support people. I could not have done any of this without them by my side. At about seven fifteen they started the pictocin to start contractions. They didn’t really hurt at first, I was already dilated 3 centimeters and 90% effaced when they started the IV. By eight I was already 4-5 centimeters dilated. When the contractions started to become a little painful, the doctor put me on Nubane and let me tell you, I was LOOPY. I could not stop laughing, those pictures will def. make you laugh when I get them uploaded lol. A couple hours passed and they broke my water which was icky. My mom and Tia were next to me the whole time helping me deal with everything. That morning before they started the pictocin I was really smiley and one nurse asked me if I was going to smile during my entire labor and I said "yes". I stayed true to that. I smiled most of the time. About two hours after the nubane wore off I got my epidural. Within thirty minute I could not feel a thing from my belly down lol. I went from being 4-5 centimeters dilated to 9 1/2 centimeters in an hour and a half and when they did the pelvic exams, Ella’s head was like right there lol. They gave me about two hours for her to move completely down and to dilate the rest of the way then Dr. Lowe came in a said, "It’s time to push". I could not feel a thing but apparently I was pushing hard because within forty-five minutes my little girl was on my belly crying. I had a wonderful 8 hour labor and a wonderful delivery; then things got bad.
After the placenta was delivered and Dr. Lowe sewed up two tears I had on the outside, I didn’t stop bleeding. My uterus wouldn’t clamp down like it was supposed to because a piece of the placenta was stuck in my uterus cuz it had GROWN THROUGH THE UTERINE WALL! and my cervix was torn. Now, this was bad because I have a rare antibody in my blood and if it turned out that I didn’t stop bleeding and I ended up needing blood it would be more difficult to find. Luckily they reserved some ahead of time =] but, Tia and my mom were over at the warming bed admiring sweet Ella and at the same time they turned around and saw a waterfall of blood. Dr. Lowe told them it was okay but, she wrapped me up and they wheeled me back to the operating room. It was really cold in there but I was covered up. I could not stop shaking though because of the epidural so they had to give me Demerol to stop the shaking. It was scary and I ended up having four tears on each corner my cervix plus the two on the outside. Needless to say I had a lot of stitches. I’m not even sure how long I was back in the OR but, all I know is when I got back to my room, she was there: my little girl, My lovely Ella, My world. My mom and Tia were right there too...I could not have done this without them. I got to go home on Wednesday but, I wasn't really in a lot of pain despite all that happened.
Tuesday, I ended up needing two units [bags] of my special blood because I was as white as my pillow case! [<--See picture below]. Where you usually only lose 500 CCs of blood, I lost 1200 CCs. It suckkkkked. But it's two and a half months later and everything is good! I've never been this happy and despite my depressing past [thats another story], I did not have any postpartum. I just love Ella soooooooo much!

Before Pictures:

Seven Months?

Just really pregnant lol.

For 16, I got pretty HUGE!

Night before giving birth! <3

After Pictures!:

Pretty girl with her daddy's nose!

REALLY PALE! Thats a lot of blood loss.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 09:12:56 GMT

So it's six in the morning and I have been up all night.
Not really tired because I'm so excited to see Nick today at family counseling.
I've added a couple new songs to my Audio blog! Check them out!

I'm really boreddd....Ella is sleeping with her arm over her face lol, I snapped a couple pics because its so funny!

Well, me and Ella, my friend Vickie and her son, Gaige [my godson!] and my mom went to Nicks little brother kyles baseball game on Tuesday so here are some pics from that! <3

Kyle hitting the ball.

Me wearing Ella's hat and being a total idiot lol. You gotta laugh at yourself though!

He looks just like his brother!

My mom and my godson, Gaige!

Ella sleeping on Nanna [Nicks mom].

On our way to the game, Ella and Gaige!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 02:28:43 GMT

So I added a Pulse and I am making an Audio weblog too.
I've always thought that music could express my feelings better than words.

Anyways...I have been feeling horrible the last couple days and I was laying down all day today =[
Ella is growing sooooo fast =] She gets more beautiful each day.

Some people may think that because I am a teen mom I am not a good parent or I am not raising my daughter in the best environment. Those people to me are utterly ignorant. I feel that I am a great mom, Ella will always have everything she needs. And my home is wonderful, I still live with my parents and there is never any fighting or anything like that.

Fact is, I love my daughter and anyone who thinks otherwise because I am sixteen can pretty much suck it.

She fell asleep on me. We were so tired.

She is my life. I could not live without her!

Monday, June 09, 2008

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 07:41:08 GMT

What really sucks is that I didn't get to see Nick yesterday =[[[
His counselor decided that because of what happened on Friday, his mom should go to talk to him one on one.
I really wish I could've seen him.
I won't get to go see him again until Friday and in my house...Time goes too slow.

I figured to make time go a little faster I should tell you all a few things about myself.

My birthday is one August 31st.
I was born in Michigan and you have no idea what it's like to be from Michigan but live in Ohio!
I AM a Michigan fan. What can I say, I may live in Ohio but Michigan is in my blood!
I got pregnant on July 14th, 2007.
My daughter [Ella Louise Fanni' Sapp] was born on March 31st, She was due on April 13th though.
Ella's name has some interesting means behind it!:

Ella: Me and Nicks song was "Umbrella" by Rihanna...Ella was from that song lol. Plus it was the only name me and Nick could agree on.
Louise: Nicks Nans first name. She passed away last year.
Fanni': My friend Ices real name. She passed away in 05'.
Sapp: My last name...She was supposed to have Nicks but......there were issues with me and him when she was born. To sum that up...He cheated on me when I was eight months pregnant with my friend, dumped me for her, ran away and told people Ella wasn't his, Wasn't there when she was born and got arrested whens he was two weeks old [I told the cops where he was staying, he had a warrant for running away] then he met her FINALLY when she was three weeks old at his court hearing the day he went to rehab. Therefore she has my last name. I was just a little too pissed off to give her his as you all probably understand lol.

Back to one.
I was in an psychological hospital last June for attempted suicide. Now you know what I mean when I say Ella literally saved my life.
Me and Nick have known each other for six years!
I am starting college this fall. Major: Human Resources, Minor: Photography.
Photography is my passion!
My life pretty much revolves around Ella.
My family is AMAZING. I still live at home with my mom and dad. My sister [21yrs, almost 22] live in Kentucky close to her fiance.
My sister, Andrea, is getting married next June to Stephen and I am going to be the photography at the wedding!
Favorite drink is Vanilla Coke Zero.
I graduated on May 30th...From my home schooling school. London Academy.

Well, If you want to know anything else...Just ask!

<3Kristeenuh && Ella Louise!

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 02:44:37 GMT

I went to visit Ella's dad, Nick on Friday the 6th.
It was the hardest visit we've ever had.
He got very upset with everyone...didn't want to talk to anyone and left the room. Of course I followed him to the hall. He told me to leave him alone and to not talk to him. I'm stubborn like him so I kept trying to reason with him, kept trying to get him to talk to me. He wouldn't.
I walked down the hall a couple steps and collapsed crying my eyes out. I have never cried that hard in my life. After everything we'd been through...we came too far for him to push me away now. I looked up and he was in tears. In the six years we had known eachother I have NEVER seen him cry but once.
I went over to him...told him I wasn't leaving ever. I was going to be right there whether he liked it or not. He was crying so hard. I couldn't stop crying because of the mere site of him. He was in a fight the day before so he had a black eye, his other eyes was bruised and his lip was a little purple so it was 10 times harder to see him crying like that.
I got him calmed down [he wasn't mad just upset now]. We were leaving so I asked him if he wanted to tell Ella bye...he nodded yes.
I brought her over and he held her and he was crying and so was she and so was I. He stood up and walked to the front door with us. I hugged him and told him I loved him and I would see him Sunday. When they took him back he started crying again and I was soooo hard to see him walk away with the staff like that. I cried the whole way home in the car with his mom and grandfather and Ella.
I can't get the look in his eyes out of my mind. I can't sleep...I want to see him...hold him in my arms. I think I always knew that I loved him but, at that moment I realized...despite all he's been through and all he's done...I want to spend the rest of my life with that man.

Love is love....age is a number....and one day, maybe not tomorrow or next year or even five years...

I'm going to marry him.

He's a wonderful father.

Christmas Eve 07. Best night...we has so much fun.

His kisses are the best in the world.

He loved her before he met her.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 02:27:18 GMT

Hey, I'm Kristeenuh! I'm sixteen, almost seventeen and I am a mommy to the most beautiful little girl named Ella Louise Fanni' Sapp! She's my pride and joy! She was born on March 31st, but before that, I don't know how I ever lived without her! Her dad is in rehab but, we visit him about twice a week and though we're not officially together anymore...we still act like a couple and we hope to get back together when he gets out...which is hopefully soon! He's a wonderful daddy to our little girl! I love my daughter and her father soooo much! Ella's dad [Nick]'s mom, Tia is one of my best friends and she LOVES her granddaughter...everyone just thinks she's sooo beautiful and she is =]
I love photography, I graduated high school a year early, on May 30th, 2008 and I start college this fall! My life may not be perfect but, it's going really good and I'm really happy with it!
Drop me a line! I have a xanga-
www.xanga.com/xI_Pulled_The_Triggerx

and a Myspace-
www.myspace.com/xInsidexImxScreamingx

<3

Oh and this is me, Nick and our babygirl, Ella! AKA-My *small* happy family~